apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
