Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize