can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
