You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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