i think my mom watched the whole time
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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