How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
