The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm gonna fight the coyote
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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