I swear she didn't look like that last week.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
