Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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