can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
