It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
So here I am, sexting at work.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
