Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
