Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
