I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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