Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
