OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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