i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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