we have officially lost it.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
