whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize