How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
