dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
is wine microwaveable?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
