what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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