went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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