I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
