you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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