Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
