I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
