I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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