My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
