shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
