maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
