After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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