Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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