Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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