Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
