Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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