I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
