Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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