i already hear my dad disowning me
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
