you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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