He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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