I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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