Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
