I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
