Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
