Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
