I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
