I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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