It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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