Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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