The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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