Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize