yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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