he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Pooping to opera.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
