the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
