He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
