I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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