Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I could have mohawked her pubes.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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