left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
