I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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