Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm eating all of the evidence.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
