is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
