that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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