all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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