You work out of a Hotel?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
