is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
