hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
