i don't like sucking hair
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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