my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
