He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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