Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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