My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize