I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
