Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
