She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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